Most days I don't even notice how tired I am until I leave the house and try to converse with the humans out there. Then I feel it bouncing off them in waves and I just want to sit down where I am and breathe deep.
These are the days when it's more difficult to have something to say here. There are words of substance ordering themselves slowly, painstakingly, but most days I don't have the processing power to line them up in those neat little rows, bookended by capital letters and full stops, so we're left with, well...me, I guess.
Ni, Wawa and I stubbornly avoided going out today, in spite of shopping and errands that needed doing. Ni was lethargic and emotional after yesterday's adventure and I felt the tiredness oozing out of me just thinking about herding the children into the car.
Ni finds shopping exhausting.
Wawa feels it has redeeming features.
Right now while my little one is feeling like a raw nerve and needing more of all I have to give, it feels right to be a little quieter; to not push so hard; to choose my battles. These times are as essential to life as those days of great rollicking joys. And oh, there are so many sweet moments even amidst the endless challenges.
There's sunlight and the sweetest little girl 'reading' Hop on Pop to us and knowing the crux of every page by heart, though half the words are not yet part of her vocabulary and a wonderful, adoring big sister, reveling in that sweet little girl and so much cuteness it could bury you alive.
Literal and metaphorical growing pains for that big girl present new challenges every day, but they come with this astounding process of blossoming that makes me smile and terrifies me all at the same time. She is embarking on her own journey now.
And, People, there are raspberries growing in our backyard. Raspberries! Ah, be still my beating heart. Bestow thy voluptuous, ruby red kiss upon my waiting lips.
But no one I meet in coming or going has time for such bloggish ramblings. It's all, "Right! There's no such thing as just tired. Tiredness reflects an underlying problem. Hush now while I explain how to chip, chip, chip away at those children until you have them more conveniently shaped."
Sometimes it's just a bit of tiredness that can be dealt with best by being quiet and gentle and kind while eating just-picked, sun-warmed raspberries.
Thank you for reading.
Ah... an actual meaningful blog post. Unlike mine :P
ReplyDeleteI have always been bone tired. I used to wonder if it was just laziness but ONE DAY I felt energy like everyone else must feel all the time, and I wanted to do things, fix things, make things.....then the bottom fell out and I was tired again.
ReplyDeleteI still have to work at not thinking I'm "just" lazy. I'm seriously, honestly, TIRED.
Raspberries, the source of all delights.
ReplyDeleteI cant remember the last time I had fresh, homegrown raspberries. Logan berries and blackberries, yes, but no raspberries. I am going to have to locate me some canes to grow on the other side of the chook shed...
This world is so tiring with all its over stimulation.
I am just going to be thinking of simple juicy raspberries all day.....
Oh, your raspberries look divine, and like the perfect cure for any amount of tiredness, something I have called friend more and more often lately. Giving yourself permission to stay in rather than going out and "getting things done" is a great help, too. I hope it was a restful day.
ReplyDeleteIt's difficult to listen to my fatigue when it speaks. To give in and accept/expect less. I'm making my coffee stronger and stronger these days (our winter: short days, long nights, penetrating cold). All the while I wish I could just sleep 10 hour nights and slow the heck down. Some weeks I wish I would catch a good cold so I'd have an excuse to just stay home and read. I just can't bring myself to lie in order to get a sick day.
ReplyDelete