You Need to Go

I didn't sleep well last night. This was mainly due to having to urinate every three minutes or so, but also due to a rogue mouse trapping itself in an empty gluten-free macaroni box in the recycling basket and squealing incessantly and thrashing about in terror.

I'm not sure what the mouse thought all that noise would achieve. In my 4am state of stupefaction, I imagined his little friends hearing his pleas for help and turning up all Disney/Pixar style with a rope and tiny makeshift winch. No such luck though and while I contemplated freeing him myself, the image of a hysterical mouse running up my arm as I tried clumsily to liberate him from his macaroni prison was simply too strong, so I got up, closed a couple of doors and tried to block out his muffled cries until I finally fell asleep. This morning he was gone, so perhaps his friends did turn up to rescue him. Who knows?

Anyhow, let's just call that an introduction to this simple, straightforward diagram I whipped up when DK inadvertently left her new coloured Sharpies lying around. I offer it here as a public service to pregnant women everywhere. Let's hope they're never again left in any doubt as to whether they need to urinate at any given moment.

I dedicate it to Givinya, who might not get a laugh, but will at least be able to offer a knowing smile.

Larger and More Cumbersome

With every passing day this story grows larger and more cumbersome. And the thought of trying to explain and apologise adequately for the disappearance becomes increasingly daunting.

Also, brain not work so good right now and oh, how I loathe the crass and the artless. So...silence.

Thank you for emails, comments and Twitter DM's. Sorry to have left you wondering.

Baby seems well, if violent bladder stamping is any indication of foetal health. The ultrasound was postponed, however, so it is still entirely possible that Baby actually has two heads (Never fear, we will love him or her...or them...just the same, although I may need to buy more hats).

So here's a quick cheating blogger's summary of what you might have missed:-

• 2+ years of (not entirely) tortuous baby-making efforts.
• Surrender to babyless grief.
• Food intolerance epiphany immediately followed by...
• Holy crap! BABY!!
• Brain struggles to make profound shift. Baby...grief...baby...grief... Seems a little too much like a sick joke to be embraced without reserve.
• Morning sickness contemporaneous with...
• Horrible, horrible gluten and lactose withdrawal.
• Much groaning.
• Resignation that food will never, ever be good again. - What you love will hurt you, people.
• Strangely disturbing period of perfect health and mindless bliss. - Highly disconcerting.
• Return to normalcy with dizziness, vomiting and blood.
• Emergency Department.
• Home.
• Vertigo, vomiting and blood.
• Emergency Department.
• Hospital admission.
• Neurologists.
• Much poking with sharp objects.
• Home.
• Ongoing dizziness. Some staggering and bumping into walls.
• Friends of tinsenpup struggle to discern a difference.
• More holding of breath and silent pleading with the universe for the life of bladder-stamping young.