Thursday, 29 January 2009

PROMPTuesday #40 - No Air

It's PROMPTuesday...er Wednesday...okay, fine, technically, Thursday...let's just all be joyful that I'm doing it at all, okay? San Diego Momma has asked us to talk about our first job.

Not surprisingly, given SDM's inspiration for this prompt, this question is actually quite insensitive. In my first real, paying job, I worked for a company that sold and maintained air conditioners. I don't want to think about this right now, because we don't have one. We don't have one in our house; we don't even have one in our car. 

This is not generally a problem. We are, after all, hard core. But Tuesday was 36C (97F). Wednesday was 43C (109F). The forecast for Thursday is 43C (109F). The forecast for Friday is 43C (109F). Saturday, however, is predicted to be a little chilly, with a maximum of only 35C (95F), so the week looks set to end a little anticlimactically temperature-wise. Nevertheless, I don't want to think about air conditioning. It's just too, too painful (sniff...sob...), so here's the CliffsNotes version of 'My First Job'.

  • I did a little office work, but mostly I just called customers and said, 'Legionnaires' disease' a lot to scare them into having their unit serviced.
  • One night the CEO really, really needed me to stay back late and do a stock take with him in the warehouse.
  • It was such a successful stock take, he felt we should hug.
  • In fact, he was so overwhelmed with joy at that wonderful stock take, that he felt we should hug again.
  • Then he closed his eyes and tried to kiss me with his big, ugly fleshy lips.
  • I was all, 'WTF? Hugging over a particularly good stock take seems perfectly normal to me, but let's not go too far.'
  • He started yabbering on about life and how things sometimes happen in life and it's just a thing and, hey, things can be great, can't they? Have you met my wife and kids?
  • Then he leaned 'casually' on this huge executive type desk and the top flipped right over and he's all, 'Hey, look at that...a thing...right there. Case in point. Really must get that thing looked at...Where was I?'
  • Then I quit and he drove me home and paid me lots and lots of money and sent me a reference that may have said something about me practically running the company.
  • But note to dim-witted adolescent self: Seriously, why the hell would the CEO be doing a stock take? Oh, and just for future reference, stock takes are rarely so exciting as to warrant hugging.


9 comments:

  1. First: I had NO idea it was that hot where you live! It's like our summers were in Phoenix, Arizona. You poor thing. Let's not dwell on this though...

    Second: Love that you were smart enough as a teen to say "Legionnaires" disease a lot. Hysterical.

    Third: Gross! What a disgusting pig-man. Maybe you could give him a call now and remind him of his luv for you. Could result in a new air conditioner.

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  2. Apparently...You are hot!

    Sorry, I had to do it. Off I go cracking myself up.

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  3. I'm with Csquared, I think you should take advantage of prior bad acts and score yourself some cold air.

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  4. I am so incredibly sorry about your weather - we had a mini-heatwave here in SEQld last week, but you're getting it much worse now. Our heat was very humid, and I've heard Adelaide is dry - what's it like where you are? Humid or dry? And which is better, anyway?!?

    I loved this: "Hugging over a particularly good stock take seems perfectly normal to me, but let's not go too far" but the CEO sounds like a complete tool. Yuck. Poor you.

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  5. Wait! What was the "thing?" (Sorry I'm naive) you mean he showed you his "thing?"

    If so, YUCK! And: what the hell??? And if not, I'm a dope.

    Also, did you change your design? Like it.

    Where was I?

    Oh yes. (1) Really? That hot? (2) You should submit your stuff somewhere (3) What about that alien pool you got your daughter? Can you soak in there? and (4) I, too am with Csquared.

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  6. I join with what Csquaredplus3 said.

    And I, too, want to know what SDM wants to know: What thing?

    Finally, WTF with old pig-men who prey upon young women? They seem to be everywhere at once. I wish one was in front of me right now because I would slap him just for fun.

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  7. Oh. And you're a brilliant writer. I may have mentioned that once or twice or every time I comment.

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  8. Oh my farking gawd. That's revolting.

    Poor you with no air-con. Ours is pathetic and my brain has melted and dripped out of my ears.True story.

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  9. Gross re. 'Pig-Man', as he has been so aptly named in other comments.

    NOT to be confused with Pigface!

    And the heat SUCKS!

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